1. |
and then rolls back
02:53
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I’m coming clean, I’m coming out right
I’m being up front as I can
There is no truth in my cowardice
Nothing there of who I am
Because space is just a metaphor
Science is just a game
And I’m not finding hope in carrying on
I can’t even use my name
There’s an end to all this artifice
An end to all my lies
But I can’t find the strength to power through
To be louder than my cries
Of voyagers and altered parallels
Of a world beyond my mind
I don’t mind, I don’t mind anything
Just let me stay alive
I’ll stay alive
So I climb out of the abstraction
And pull myself into the real
I’m not ready for the abject
Not ready for the feeling
Of the ghost haunting the morning
Next to someone I can’t see
It's nothing new, I guess I’m used to it
Every day a new defeat
And the truth is I’m not anyone
A blank slate to draw upon
Picture yourself in its borders
Leave your mark and then move on
I’m covered up in scribbled art
In bloodied prints and painted scars
And that’s all I’ll have to last me
Til the last shred falls apart
I’ll fall apart
But I’ll make it art
I’ll fall apart
And leave my mark
I’ll fall apart
But I’ll make it art
I’ll fall apart
And leave my mark
So call me anything you want to
I’ll take it with a smile
Degrade and confiscate my everything
Use me as your denial
I know there’s someone else inside
Who just keeps fucking up my life
So I’ll keep moving on in time
And just keep running to stay alive
And say goodnight
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2. |
invisible
01:14
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Hello to the morning
To another day
Stuck within the aftermath of things caught in the way
Of knowing what I’ve wanted is now in my hands
But here I stand with no demands on my long long debated plans
“Or maybe they’re lying to you”
And I can’t see
That everything
Is waiting there in front of me
Waiting for the future that I need
And I can’t see
Myself to be
I’m everything I’ve wanted
And I’ve waited
And I’ll ever get to be
Is right there in front of me
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3. |
lake city quiet pills
02:50
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I’d like to know where we go
When we end up on our own
Walking down the endless road
With no map left or sign of home
It fades away…
The lights that guided you are gone
It fades away…
The lights that guided you are gone
It fades away…
The lights that guided you are gone
And so this dark and empty road
That lead us out into the unknown
Is not the making of our own
But a never ending source of loneliness
Of loneliness
I’m so afraid of fucking up the good things
So I stand still
And they fade away
Staring out at all of the lost dreams
That have fallen by
As I walked away
Sticking to the guidelines we’ve made up
Hasn’t gotten us
More than far away
Climbing out of the hole that we dug ourselves
Only finding
Another alleyway
So afraid of fucking up the good things
Only finding another alleyway
(I’ll swim alone)
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4. |
better
04:18
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This hospital room
Says "Don't worry it's too soon"
And the lights outside say "You'll get out alive"
But the shivers and the shakes
Are still keeping me awake
And I'm losing more of me all of the time
All my friends say "It gets better"
But better never seems to ever show
So I pull myself in tighter and tighter
Until there's nowhere left or anywhere for me to go
The early sunrise
Masks the tears in my eyes
As the beat goes on and on and on and on
It repeats in my head
Absent of anything I've said
"I can't make it through this alone"
No, I don't think so
All this time later
It still rings in my ears
"I guess we'll just have to adjust"
I love you I love you
Wish you were here
And all our yesterdays turn back to dust
And it's hard to hold on
When you've no idea what is real or true
And it's hard to hold on
When the world keeps turning back on you
So I guess there's nothing left for me to do
I'll just sing hallelu like it means something to you
'Cause I can't bury myself and I won't bury you
I'll just sing hallelu like it means nothing to you
'Cause I can't bury myself and I won't bury you
I'm not bitter
I've just been better
I wish that what I did would matter
The world revolves and
Nothing resolves and
I'm not better
I'm just better than I used to be
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5. |
codex gigas
00:36
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I sleep too much
I don’t sleep enough
I sleep too much
I don’t sleep enough
Too self absorbed and too self aware
Too self important and too fucking scared
I sleep too much
I don’t sleep enough
I sleep too much
I don’t sleep enough
All my best work comes from challenge and spite
But I keep falling backwards every time I fight
So I will keep digging til I find the sun
Or the center
Of the
Earth
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6. |
the elephant's foot
03:57
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There’s several ways to say I’m sorry
But I haven’t said a thing
So it’s back to what we’ve settled on today
Reading through my phone nightly
For what I’m supposed to be happy enough to say
Is the reason I keep living
And it’s stolen one by one
Can we take this back to anything
Back to what we’d said
Back to when we’d make it on our own
Living through the first of several ongoing ends of the world
I’m tired of asking what’s the point
When there’s no point in even asking
We’re on islands alone
We’re on our islands alone
We’re all tired
We’re sick of being lied
By the same voices that tell us we’re ok
We’re not ok
And it’s fine
There’s no point in getting better
When better’s just another word for
“Still alive today”
We’re not ok
I’ll wait for another life
I’ll wait for another try
I’ll go on and tell another lie
That I won’t burn it down
And then we’ll light it up
We’re all tired
We’re sick of being lied
By the same voices that tell us we’re ok
We’re not ok
And it’s fine
There’s no point in getting better
When better’s just another word for
“Still alive today”
We’re not ok
And that’s fine
We’re not ok
And that’s fine
We’re not ok
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7. |
||||
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I keep thinking of the future
The way it keeps moving never slowed
Because moving on is easier said than done
I’ve never wanted to kill myself
But that doesn’t mean I don’t want to die
Waiting around as the minutes counted down
Never looking anybody in the eye
Taking the time to mourn the life
That was never really mine
Pretty soon you’ll arrive in the future
And you won’t even know it
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8. |
lateral move
02:34
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My name is not my name
But I still hear it all the same
It’s swinging back and forth like a street sign
In a late fall hurricane
Just another tiny island
In a vast binary sea
I can’t relate to that right now
I’ve got bigger fish to leave
My name is not my name
It’s an echo of who I used to be
It’s sitting there between my legs
Where your attention shouldn’t be
“What you got under your skirt?”
None of your fuckin’ business, man
Whether sir or ma’am or that one there
I’m whatever I say I am
And don’t forget it
Here lies the boy who thought it would all fall into place
Here lies the girl who never found what she thought was the way
Here lies the secret: they’re both one and the same
And if no one’s ashamed
Then no one’s to blame
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9. |
a brief philly interlude
00:55
|
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I had a dream we were old
Well, older
A Rittenhouse that don’t exist
Park benches and pigeons
Small hands holding on
Watching sun pass through branches
Joyful noise and traffic passing
An autumn afternoon
In an autumn that doesn’t exist anywhere
A small smile on your lips
It was a nice dream…
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10. |
entschuldigung
02:15
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I’ve seen the future and it’s caving in
I’ve seen my past stretched out before me like a misshaped mirror
It doesn’t matter if you live or sin
All that matters is the world gets one over on you
Sing it so loud
That they can’t ignore you anyway
Sing it so loud
That no one can ever ignore you
I’ve seen tomorrow and it’s caving in
I’ve my yesterdays turn into moments left inside my mind
I’ve seen tomorrow and it’s caving in
Right there with the future staring back into a mirror
Sing it so loud
That they can’t ignore you anyway
Sing it so loud
That they can’t ever hear you
Say
That it’s your time
Say
That it’s your time now
It’s your time now
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11. |
synthesis
01:33
|
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"welcome to the ever-present specter of annihilation"
|
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12. |
ellipsis
04:33
|
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I don’t know
Where I’m going or where I’ve gone
But I’m going on anyway
Take it slow
Find the real path, find the road
Keeping my eyes pointed away
From the reasons that I’m running
From the reasons that I hide
Look away enough
And they end up staying inside
I prefer the darker corners
Keeping well out of the light
Maybe I’m the one who has to change
Maybe it’s time
I’m still afraid
Of fucking up all the good things
But I see them now and keep them close at hand
I’m still afraid
Of losing everything again
But that’s not stopping me from loving all I can
I know my way out is through at last
I know my way out is through at last
I know my way out is through at last
I know my way out
I know my way out is through at last
I know I don’t have to outrun the past
I know with light and love I’ll make it last
I know my way out
I know my way out is through at last
I know my way out is through at last
I know my way out is through at last
I know my way out
I’m still afraid
Of fucking up all the good things
But I see them now and keep them close at hand
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13. |
fix your heart or die
01:46
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Is it getting better
Am I alive
Is it getting easier
Will I survive
Is it just a moment
Just another day
Is it getting better
Will I stay
Will I stay
Awake
And tell you everything
Will I stay
Today
And hope that you can stay
Awake
Is it getting better
Who’s to say
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How I Became Invisible Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Trans punk space emo songs about science, sadness, anger, and transition. we're all in this together. so raise your fist and start to sing.
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